SHUT

Thump-thump. Her size six toddler feet hit the floor and my eyes fly open. She struggles to open her door and that gives me the time to roll out of bed, feel for my glasses on the pile of books where they've sat since last night, and stumble blearily down the hall. It's 6-ish AM and my day just started.

 If you're like me your to-do list is jam-packed from the moment you wake up. Mine is a conglomeration of personal goals for myself, kid-related things, business calls to make, and household duties to perform. The way my house is set up I spend most of my day in the kitchen doing various tasks and let's face it, with four kids, most of my day revolves around cleaning up what we just ate or preparing for what we are going to eat. In between that I break up spats, spend cuddle time, play with the kids, and do all that other stuff.

 The great thing about my kitchen is that it has a work station, aka the dumping spot for all things. This work station is rarely organized, but there my computer sits and it is there that I do most of my blogging/emailing/etc. If I've talked to you on twitter you can be 99% sure I'm standing in my kitchen when we're talking. There is a problem, though. Since my computer is so accessible, it is very easy to stay attached to it or even keep it constantly open.

I'm working on giving my kids my undivided attention.  So much of the time I am rockin' my multi-tasking skills and doing three or four things at once.  If I'm not DOING three or four things, I am thinking of at least six.  You know this is true of most moms.  I'm finding that my day and my children's day drastically improves when I imply the undivided time principle.  Basically, I have set times in my day when the computer stays SHUT.  Completely shut.  If I think of something I need to do online, I write it down.  Normally I proceed to lose the paper on which I wrote it down, but that's beside the point.

My undivided times are prior to 8:30 AM {from the time we wake up until then}, lunchtime (about an hour), and from when I start dinner to when the kids are 100% ready for bed.  That doesn't mean that the remainder of my day is spent on the internet, it just means that during those times I won't be on the internet.

I also can't trust myself to just "notndivided check it"; that's why I close the laptop completely.  Have I perfected this?  Nope.  Are their days when I don't adhere to it?  Absolutely, but those days are far worse than the days that I do follow my little system.

Are there any times of the day when your computer is SHUT?

Visionary Parenting {a book study}

My pastor recently said to me,

"...to whom much is given, much is required."
Now obviously he was quoting the parable in Luke 12, but what he said made my gears whir just a little bit more.

I have been given so much.

and much is expected of me by way of parenting them.

In an attempt to better my parenting I'm doing two things.  Firstly, I'm joining the Gentleness Challenge that Courtney is hosting.  I need to keep the frustration to a minimum and be more gentle towards my children.  I want them to see a mom who loves God so much and wants their best.  While they push my buttons often, they don't deserve to have my frustration taken out on them.  In her post, Courtney quotes Matthew Henry,

“What is spoken wisely should be spoken calmly, and then it will be calmly considered. But passion will lessen the force even of reason, instead of adding any force to it.”

and that quote really hit home with me.  I'm so excited about the accountability that this challenge will offer.

Secondly, I'm hosting a somewhat impromptu book study here at Hitherto of the book Visionary Parenting:  capture a God-sized vision for your family by Dr. Rob Rienow.  Every Monday, I will post a summary of the chapter, what I learned from it, and how I'm applying it.  There are only ten chapters so it won't take too long at all.

Parenting is such a huge responsibility and blessing.  Just last week my firstborn turned six.  SIX!  To echo mothers everywhere, "Where does the time go?"  I have only one shot at this parenting thing and I want to get it as right as I possibly can.  How about you?

Are you going to sign up for the Gentleness Challenge?

Does your family have an over-arching vision or purpose?

If so, what is it?

If not, have you ever thought about it?

If you want to keep tabs on what's happening

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my beef

                                                                                    Source: etsy.com via April on Pinterest

One thing I've found is that since I've become a single parent, the number one thing on everyone else's mind is my love life...or lack thereof.  Because it is obviously the most important thing on MY mind. {this is where a sarcasm font would be dandy}

It really irks me, no, bothers me to my core the rising sentiment that I find around singles, especially moms.  It seems that as we talk and chatter I hear one main overtone.  No one actually says the following words, but the sentiment reverberates and carries the interaction like a palpable undercurrent and believe me, it's easy to be swept in.

I need to find a guy

to be a good mom.

I would be a better mom

if I had a husband.

Do I believe that a child's heart was made for both a mom and a dad?  Absolutely.  I think that arrangement is best and it is how God intended family to be.  That being said, God knows all the details over my situation; singleness and all.  

Truth is, I'm the only mom my kids have TODAY.  My kids won't wait around to grow, be molded, be shaped, or hugged until I can find "the man" in my life.  I'm not against remarriage or the idea of it, but ladies, let's be real here, there's only One man you need to make this parenting thing work as you are and that's God.  End of story.  If there is a human man that comes into the picture then awesome.  If not, that's awesome too. 

Today's the day, lady.  Today's the day to put on your big girl panties and come to terms with the fact that if a man never walks through your door or you never go to another singles' group and you delete your Christian mingle/eHarmony/Match.com account you will still be the only mother your children have.  

Don't let the lie that you can only be a good mom if you have a husband rob your children of the best mom they have today.

What one thing are you doing today

to be your kids' best mom?

I'm counting to five before I react to any situation,

unless they have a sharp object.

In that situation I'll count to five 

AFTER I disarm them.

four

it's all in the eyes; the quick shift in gaze from my face to my left hand that leaves me at a loss for words.  maybe it's the change in your mannerisms or the respect that has left your voice after seeing that my ring finger is empty, yet my cart, my car, my house, my heart is full of four children.

it is as if the questions scroll across your forehead like a ticker-tape
"Are they all yours?"
"She's pretty young to have all those kids."
"Wow, you are busy."
"Doesn't she know how that happens?"
"Yikes, I wonder how many last names they have.
"Dude."  {ok, well maybe you don't say dude....that more or less is a way to describe the look on your face}

No, they aren't all mine.  I round up all the neighbor kids and THEN go shopping. {forgive the sarcasm}
Yes, I'm young. 26 years, two months, six days, and a few odd hours old.
I'm not really busy, per se, I just chase kids. a lot.
Yes, I know how kids happen.
We have one last name, not that it matters.
Dude.  You can say that again.

the eyes, the questions, the implications, they imply negativity.
four.
four never felt so numerous,
but let me tell you,
four is amazing.
i would do it again.
in a heart beat {though I would edit the severe morning sickness if i could}
because they
are my heart beat.

four is a great number,
you want to know why?

because before the foundations of the earth
God knew I would have four.
four blessings
four beauties
four children with whom I've been entrusted
to teach
to shape
to mold
to influence
Heck, I'm only 26 years, two months, six days and a few hours old....I could have more--who knows what God has in store
but for now I have four.