The tub floor is icy under my feet as the scalding water hits my back turning my skin from milky white to heated red. I go through the motions of showering as my brain drifts off to the many things I want to do--write a book, get my Ph.D., read more, take my kids on vacation. Without meaning to, I sort the list in my head into two groups. One is the list I might be able to accomplish and the other is the list of things not even worth wishing for. The list will continue long after the water turns cold and my hair is styled for the day, but one question lingers, gnawing at my subconscious; when did I stop believing in my ability?
"I could never do that," are five words akin to cursing. Why can't I? I understand if I don't love doing it, or I don't really want to do it, but if this is something that nags at me day after day then why not? Why can't I do it? A perfect example is how I feel about Mount Everest. I think it would be amazing to climb Mount Everest. Am I ever going to do it? No. And I'll tell you why...because it really is just something I think is cool. It isn't actually a life goal of mine. Writing a book though, is. I'm taking steps to get that done.
So many times I get in my own way. Do you? Do you get in your own way? I need a person standing over my shoulder telling me constantly, "You can do this." "Don't give up," and other encouraging phrases. It would also help if they had a never-ending supply of Swedish Fish and chocolate, but I'll take what I can get.
When I am getting all up in my own brain about not being able to do something I remind myself of what I've already done. I gave birth to four children. I get up every morning (unless they are with their dad) and raise them and so far they've survived with minimal emotional scarring even though they are still trying to convince me that being asked to clean their room is akin to waterboarding. When it snows, I shovel my driveway. I mowed my lawn this summer. I make decisions for four children and myself. I work two jobs as well as care for my kids.
I am capable of doing a lot.
So are you.
Our only constraint/restraint is the same--how we utilize our time.
So....what do you want to do that you just can't?
