Maybe that's not the right sentence. The fear of what people may think when they meet me scares me.
Yes, that's it.
Walking into a room or a situation in which I'm not sure if I belong is terrifying. Like, terrifying to the point of I will avoid it at all costs. The fear of being separated from the group of persons that I knew once led me to walk right smack dab through the middle of two individuals having a conversation. They were literally a foot apart from each other. I wasn't trying to be rude; I just freaked out because my group was not near me.
I'm a recovered spaz, so I've pretty much gotten my crazy-squirrel-can't-figure-out-which-way-to-run instinct out of my system, but my brain still functions that way.
I love meeting new people, as long as it's a guarantee that they like me.
You see, I'm pretty quirky. I have an annoyingly dry sense of humor and tend to quote movies like Back to the Future. I can also identify almost any theme song, but I'll refrain from whistling them for you because that might really freak you out.
The risk that they might not like me can be paralyzing.
If I had to blame something for my crazy fear it would be the years I spent being bullied in school. Of course, back then, they didn't call it bullying. No, they just said that "boys will be boys."
So now, I'm learning. Slowly.
God's taken this fear, this anxiety surrounding other would-be friends and has turned it into an opportunity....an opportunity to trust Him. To know that I am enough in Him. When I walk into a room it isn't about me....it's about the relationships that can be forged.
So that's me. In a nutshell.
Pretty scared of big rooms, with people I don't know.
Yet I force myself to go there.
To learn how to conquer that fear.
Because every friend was once a stranger.
*****
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