Self reflection can be a little intense sometimes, eh? I really don't run around all the time pondering what I could have done differently, but sometimes, especially when I'm tired, I start running through the ticker tape in my head of where I could have done things differently or maybe where I would be if I had made a different decision. It is a moot point, y'all. Absolutely moot.
I'm learning how to answer, moment by moment, the question of
"Will you trust Me?"
I would love to say that the answer always comes easily and that I feel completely surrendered and all those other fancy words that Christians like to say, but honestly, it is a constant struggle. I cannot tell you the times that I have looked heavenward or placed my pen in my journal only to write the words,
what the heck are you doing?
I don't understand.
and you know what? He doesn't turn away. He doesn't take my questions and ask me why I am asking them. He doesn't judge me for doubting. Instead he opens his arms again and reminds me of WHO he is. That He is. That He is grace. That He is grace enough. Where I am not, He is. I am in awe that a God who became man would love me; would die for me and would then use me to bring Him glory.
He not only saw my story--beginning, middle, and end...He WROTE my story and chose me not in spite of my story, but because within my story he sees the thread of Jesus and He wants to do the same for you.
I find myself close to tears a lot recently at the oddest and most inopportune times (like when I'm teaching Sunday school in front of a bunch of teenagers or while I'm writing random blog posts). I'm seeing a change though, my tears are no longer from a heart of "why is this happening" but instead are changing to a "thank You that You've got me...that You've got this."
If I can leave you with one thought today, let it be this....
He's got you and He's got this,